How We Can Rebuild

Michael shares three strategies for rebuilding after mental health difficulties. 

- Michael Rigby

Getting back up from a dark place can be the biggest challenge. Whatever the situation, it will take time to repair. I haven’t written a blog for a long time because I’ve been focused on making changes in my life. At first, I made excuses and ran away from any confronting challenge that came at me. But over time I realised that wasn’t me and I can’t do that. I wanted to make a change. I understand that we all respond to mental health difficulties in our own ways. However, we can experience similar paths and benefit from similar strategies. Here is the three changes that I’ve made to help break the barriers of mental health difficulties. 

1. Create a Routine

Start this routine slowly and build on it. Wake up, stretch, make your bed and drink some water. Carry out your day as you intend. This helped me to stay focused and on track. 

2. Less Social Media

Limit the time you invest into your mobile. Use it for necessary reasons. If you look down at your phone whilst sitting/ walking in a park on your lunch break, how about look up? Enjoy your surroundings in the present moment, and create opportunities to connect with others.  

3. Become Comfortable with Yourself

This includes everyday life. Be yourself in any situation. It’s easy to say, but confidence is built up. I tried to build up my confidence gradually. For me, I had to recognise and accept that nobody is perfect, and that we all make mistakes. Also, be comfortable with your ambitions in life. Create your own happiness where you can. 

Small decisions can change your whole life. I’m still rebuilding, but I’m on the way to building my own fortress. We are all able to make positive changes. I understand that mental health difficulties can try to stop us, but we can all make small changes to rebuild our lives, ourselves and our situation. 

For more information, advice and strategies for looking after your wellbeing, click here.

Hi, I'm Michael Rigby and I study Sports Business and Broadcasting at UCFB Wembley. I have experienced mental illness, including depression and social anxiety since the age of 14.

Why my MA will be my new beginning

In this blog, Alice talks about how even though her undergraduate experience wasn't the best, she's determined to have a more positive time studying for her Master's degree. 

University wasn’t the place for me. I’m not saying it was bad. I’m just saying it wasn’t good. I didn’t care about the Mexican Revolution, religious symbolism in the work of J. L. Borges, or the exploration of the self and form in twentieth-century France. Likewise, I did not care about the difference between the pronunciation of “vu” and “vous”, “pero”, and “perro”.  I did not care about getting an F in a relatively unimportant presentation. I did not care that my tutor declared my essay on feminism to be “decidedly mediocre”.

Instead, I cared about evenings in pubs, walks in the park and sessions at the gym. I cared about staying up all night watching films and reading books not on the syllabus. I cared about cycling from a bar to my friend’s house at 1am on a Monday morning. I cared about going to gigs, visiting photography exhibitions, and rummaging through Spitalfields market on a Sunday.

When it came to studying, I tried, but only sort of. Half an hour before class was due to start I would open my workbook and frantically scribble something down. In the evenings, I would read novels of my own choosing before embarking on (and then later abandoning) the set texts. As for the presentations, I would usually just miss those classes and carry the fail. Invariably, I would turn up to every class utterly unprepared, having no idea about what was about to be discussed, and caring very little.

At the end of my three-year degree (which took me five years to complete), I received a transcript of my results, telling me that I had received one fail, two thirds, 2:2s, 2:1s, and firsts – all of which averaged out into the most meaningless 2:1 the uni must have ever given.

What the transcript didn’t say was that, during my studies, I had experienced debilitating depression, unrelenting OCD, one terrible coming out, one terrible relationship, one terrible break up, and the onset of Tourette’s syndrome.

OK, maybe university was bad.

This year, though, I have a place on UEA’s Creative Writing MA, and I’m determined to go back to my studies.

But if my undergraduate was so tumultuous, why am I doing this?

The answer is simple: university is, for me, unfinished business. I need to go back: get consistently OK grades, stay on an even keel for the duration of the course, keep my depression and OCD at bay. There’s not much I can do about the Tourette’s, given that it’s both chronic and incurable.

It’s going to be hard. I have the stereotypical swearing kind of Tourette’s. I will be yelling out “fuck” in lectures. I will find it hard to concentrate. I will inevitably be a distraction to myself and others.

But, unlike my BA in French and Spanish, this course has been a dream for a long time. I will spend a whole twelve months doing what I love: reading and writing. Reading helped me through depressive episodes before, and getting my writing published since leaving university has given me a much-needed self-esteem boost.

And if mental illness has taught me anything, it’s to do what you love, and do it a lot.

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m determined to go back, and I’m going to smash it.

Alice Franklin is a writer who happens to have Tourette's, OCD and autism. She writes at a leisurely pace, runs at a leisurely pace, and hammocks at a leisurely pace. Previously, her work has appeared in two Spanish short story anthologies, the online magazine Liars' League, and the Financial Times. 

Dealing with emotions during a breakup

Aaingel shares her experiences of dealing with difficult break-ups and how journaling helped her to come to terms with her emotions.

- Aaingel

Breakups are hard. They are awful, we all know that. It’s well documented in every rom-com ever. But they really can be difficult to get through. I was with my partner for 2 ½ years before we broke up. I’d had just moved 50 miles away for uni, which doesn't sound far, but when you’ve lived in each other's pockets every night for the last year or so it feels like a thousand miles away, particularly when you are also starting a whole new course and getting used to living in a different city. 

We’d been arguing all summer, and I for a long time I had felt anxious and paranoid about the relationship and the future of it. He spent the first week with me in my uni town before I started so I’d feel calm and settled in before my first week of uni. On all accounts, we were fine, on the outside we were happy but over time it came crashing down, and eventually, we broke up.

This had a huge impact on my mental wellbeing. I couldn’t eat for a week after the breakup. I decided it would be better if we limited contact so that I could get over him because I didn’t think I would be able to heal while being his friend and so far apart. Despite deleting his contacts on my phone and social media, we spoke on the phone and even though I still had feelings for him, he said he was in a different headspace and needed time to grow for himself without me. He visited my uni town and we eventually decided that we were what each other wanted but didn’t need, for our own wellbeing.

However, the break up did let me start to journal in order to reflect on the difficult emotions I had been feeling. Everything that happened I’d write down at the time, and include all my feelings so that I could have a fresh pair of eyes on it every time I looked back at a situation. I know now that not every relationship is meant to be put back together, but it doesn’t mean it is not shocking or difficult - it is okay to spend some time feeling sad about the break-up. But I also can reflect on why certain feelings I felt at the time were not always constructive for improving the situation.

Since the break up I’ve journaled everything, sought professional help, and opened up a little more about how I feel in a constructive way. I didn’t seek professional help just for the sake of my relationship, but for myself so that I can look after myself and not be dependent on another person. When all my pieces felt put back together it was easier to then work on a relationship in a healthy way.

Hello, I'm Aaingel Nathan. I'm a journalism and media production student at the University for creative arts. I'm a keen writer, podcaster and radio presenter. I'm just writing to help others, giving people a voice they haven't heard but they definitely feel.

How to ease anxiety about travel

Esther shares her tips for easing worries when travelling abroad.

- Esther

Last summer I embarked on what was the most exciting (and nerve-wracking) adventure of my life thus far - working as a camp counsellor in America. But, not only would this be my first trip to the US, but it would also be the first time I’d be flying solo – quite literally! 

I had nightmares about the impending travel; it was all I could think about. For me the worries started weeks before my trip: consumed by thoughts of packing the wrong things, forgetting essential items, my luggage getting lost or somehow ruined. What if airport security interrogated me? What if I didn’t have the correct Visas? Missed my flight? Thoughts like this kept me up at night - working out exactly how many hours before takeoff I should arrive at the airport…

Some may say that my fears were irrational, and okay yes - it was fairly unlikely that I was going to contract Ebola, board the wrong flight (Home Alone 2-eque) and end up in Timbuktu, but my mind was racing, and ultimately, the anxiety I felt about my impending trip was very real. 

When it came down to it, whilst I was excited for my new adventure on the surface, my enthusiasm was dampened by fear and worry. Beyond the travel concerns, I was deeply worried about being in a new place, where I didn’t know anyone, without my usual support network. So, how did I combat this? I was fortunate that my cousin had worked at a summer camp the previous year, so I reached out. By expressing my worries and talking through them with someone who had had a similar experience, I was able to calm myself - it was reassuring to know that I was a) not alone, and b) that even though I would be away from home my support network was only a phone call away. 

By being brave enough to ask for advice, I was able to implement strategies to manage my mental health condition whilst abroad. I also made sure to get comprehensive travel insurance for my trip, this meant that my pre-existing medical conditions were covered, and helped to put my mind at rest. 

Now, the good news is that I thoroughly enjoyed my time in America, so much so that I’m going to be returning this summer! Whilst I am still anxious about travelling, I have been able to prepare myself in order to limit my anxiety. Thankfully my travels went smoothly last year and my preparedness definitely limited any stresses on the day of travel. 

So, how did I prepare? Firstly, I made copies of all important documents (such as my passport, itinerary and insurance policy). I shared my itinerary with my family, made sure they knew the time difference and stayed in regular contact with my family and friends back home during my trip. I researched medical professionals in the area where I’d be staying, so should I need support whilst abroad, I knew where to find it. I also made sure that my medications were legal in the States (as rules differ between countries).

I’m proud to say that my mental health did not stop me from travelling and having an amazing summer. Here are my lasting words to help ease those travelling worries:

1. Be prepared – make lists, do your research. It’s obvious but it really helps reduce stress and anxiety.

2. Take a minute for yourself – It’s ok to take your time and gather your thoughts. Have a drink of water. Take a deep breath.

3. Take a little bit of home with you - download your favourite films and music, do those little things that make you feel at ease and are familiar. You might be travelling solo but help (and home) is just a phone call away.

My name is Esther, and I’m a second year history student at King’s College London. My hobbies include fitness and travel, I am also passionate about reducing the stigma surrounding mental health and improving mental health awareness

University and First Year Struggles

Meg talks about the struggles that students can face and how to look positively to the future. 

The year was 2011. The season was summer and, boy, was I loving life. A young, fresh-faced 18 year old who had passed their exams and bagged a spot into uni. I’d ticked off a summer holiday with the girls, my 18th birthday and school prom. What a time to be alive! Little did I know how my life would change in the coming months.

Hey, the name’s Meg. Nice to meet you! I’m 25 from South Wales and here’s my story of how my first year of university changed my life.

My amazing summer had come to an end and soon enough I would be moving far away from the South Wales valleys. 3.5hrs on the train to Derby was my new home and as most budding students feel when they leave home, I felt a mix of excitement and fear. I’d been chatting to my future flat mates on a Facebook group and we were all so excited to meet each other! I remember my first day like it was yesterday. I was so nervous. We hugged our families goodbye and there we were, a bunch of awkward girls from different parts of the country about to live together for the next year. Next thing, we are socialising with a building full of people and alcohol was flowing. And here started the student life!

The student life can be a very overwhelming experience for some with so much change happening at a quick pace and that’s certainly how it felt for me. My social life was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I was partying every week, sometimes every other night and all food and sleep patterns went flying out the window! It was exciting to meet lots of new people but also having to navigate around an unknown city and start a new course was very daunting. For a good few months I was building what I saw at the time as solid bonds with flat mates and constantly socialising but it wasn’t until a few months in did I realise how much it was all catching up to me.

After such a whirlwind couple of weeks, things started to go downhill very rapidly for me which felt like it came out of nowhere. All of a sudden, my emotions became very apparent and feelings of anger and upset constantly ripped through me (mainly whenever alcohol was involved). I was really disliking my uni course and I think I was probably very homesick and didn’t even know it. Nights out started to become very messy and dark and I soon found myself spiralling into a depression and started to self harm. I’d never known anything like this in my world. I’d always been the happy go lucky, positive bunny throughout my life and all of a sudden things were feeling very different. My feelings were constantly masked with partying and socialising and trying to nose dive deep into other people’s problems whilst I was also battling a tormenting habit myself. I was very much in denial and it took a very tragic moment of a thankfully- failed - attempted suicide whilst very intoxicated to snap me out of it.

Looking back now, it all feels like such a blur and I am thankfully not in that frame of mind anymore. It’s been a very long and continuing journey of recovery since those dark days but I am happy to be progressing and feeling stronger and happier. Although times were tough, I managed to push through it and I actually took the right steps to make things better for me by transferring to a university in my hometown and got to complete my degree, eventually earning a 2:1 and winning a student of the year award for my course. Woo go me!

And that’s really what this story is about is to just say, it’s okay and it can get better even at the lowest of points. I never thought I could get through what happened but here I am 7/8 years later, a homeowner and a fully fledged adult!!

First year can be fantastic and exciting and I certainly did have positives during some parts and lots of fun but it is also an overwhelming time and a lot to take on. I think it’s just important to keep an open mind in that good and bad days can happen whilst you’re embarking on your uni journey and if it’s truly not for you then that’s fine but sometimes with a little faith and willpower, you’d be amazed at what you can go on to achieve!

My name is Meg. I am 25 and live in the beautiful Cardiff Bay. I work in events/venue management for a University and am a part time secret singer and music lover. Concerts and musical theatre are my thing and I also enjoy blogging about my life and mental health advocacy. You can check out more of my music stuff on my youtube (www.youtube.com/mwigleysongs) or my blog at https://meganwigley.wordpress.com/.

For more information or support visit: Starting Uni 

'I am using my voice to make a difference'

In this blog, Hanne describes how she uses her voice, and shares tips for others.

-Hanne

I am using my voice to speak out and break the stigma around mental health issues. I am using my voice to discuss eating disorders, depression and anxiety. I am using my voice to make a difference.

Eating disorders, depression and anxiety are all issues that I, myself, have struggled with, bringing them close to my heart. I understand their severity, but I also realise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This is something I am passionate to share.

Initially, speaking up felt uncomfortable. What would people think of me? Would I be seen as strange, and would I be ostracised? I hid my struggles from everyone, including some of my closest friends. I felt ashamed and didn’t want anyone to know about my problems. I didn’t want to be perceived as weak. However, as time passed, I started to question these ingrained beliefs. Why would disclosing my struggles be weak? Wasn’t it an indication of strength? Gradually, I became less averse to sharing my past. After all, it is from my experiences that I have grown.

It is around this time, in 2015, that I published my first novel, followed by a second in 2017. In my books, I talked about my struggles with anorexia through the eyes of the protagonist, Christina. Whenever people asked me how much of myself could be found in the protagonist, I laughed it off and said that the work was just fiction… well, with a lot of my experiences incorporated into it.

Initially, writing had been a way for me to deal with my struggles and to gain a better full-picture view of my situation. However, once the first book was published, it became a means to break taboos. Once the prying questions streamed in, however, I reverted back to my hiding self, yet I realised that that was exactly what I was trying to overcome. Mental health problems are nothing to be ashamed of, and if people show an interest, all the better! From my own experiences, I was able to share so much!

Hence, when I started a YouTube channel shortly after the release of my debut novel, that is exactly what I did: share my experiences. I shared my experiences, as well as the tips and tricks that had helped me navigate my mental health journey. My creative self-expression was no longer just a way to write things off and help myself, but it now also became a way to help others. What I discovered was that the response was largely positive. People were relieved to hear that they were not alone in their struggles. This, in turn, provided me with all the incentive I needed: if I could help or inspire even a single person by using my own voice, it would have been worthwhile.

Now, my channel has been running for four years. Its subscriber count passed hundreds and then thousands of followers. I get messages daily with questions and support. I know I am making a difference. Being able to make this difference by using my voice is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

For this reason, I urge you to open up too. I know how easy it is to say you’re fine, and to hide behind your smile. But speaking up can be liberating. Speaking up can raise awareness. And speaking up can help others.

The first step to opening up is being open to yourself. Start a journal. Pen down your thoughts, your worries, and your ideas. Be honest with yourself. Learn to understand yourself.

Once you understand yourself, you can make yourself understood to others. Realise that mental health struggles are nothing to be ashamed of and allow this knowledge to generate conversation about these struggles. If anyone asks you how you are doing, dare to tell them you are not fine. Dare to tell them what is really going on inside your head. Moreover, as you become more comfortable with your own feelings and with sharing them, maybe you, too, will get the wild idea to start a blog or a YouTube channel. Maybe you’ll publish your own books. Go for it, and don’t second-guess yourself. One thing is certain: you can make a difference. And that is an incredible thing.

Hanne Arts is a twenty-two-year old student, YouTuber and author. She currently lives in the UK, but has previously lived in Slovakia, Belgium, Holland, and Hungary. Being passionate about breaking the stigma, she openly shares her own experiences suffering from depression and an eating disorder.

How to tackle perfectionism when you’re studying abroad

Charlotte shares experience and three tips for managing perfectionism whilst studying abroad. 

- Charlotte

For anyone prone to suffering from perfectionism, life at university can be a little overwhelming sometimes. Universities can provide the optimal conditions for perfectionism to thrive; whether in formal exams, essays or sports fixtures, we are constantly measured, evaluated and compared against one another. Of course, striving to do well and desiring self-improvement can be great attributes to have, yet it is important to manage these thoughts for the sake of your mental-wellbeing.

As a Modern Languages student, I found that the negative effects of a perfectionist mindset were compounded when studying overseas for my Year Abroad. This was fuelled primarily by my own expectation that my time abroad would be crucial in the journey to becoming proficient in two foreign languages. Indeed, social media also plays a role in fuelling perfectionism. Scrolling through images of other students studying abroad and perceiving that they are travelling around their country more than you, or befriending more native students than you, can induce the feeling that you are somehow underachieving. 

Am I speaking enough French every day? Have I made enough Italian friends? Am I actually making the most of living abroad? Will everyone else return from their Year Abroad more fluent than me? These were all questions I would constantly ask myself. When you are prone to setting yourself to high standards, you can begin to believe that good enough is not enough; regardless of how much French or Italian I spoke, read or listened to in a particular day, I was aware that I could be speaking, reading or listening to even more. This is a dangerous mindset; it leads to an endless cycle of over-striving and self-disappointment, where you constantly feel as though you are failing to meet your own expectations.

However, there is hope! It is possible to tackle this troublesome perfectionist outlook – this is something I know from personal experience. By implementing these three small changes to my daily routine and attitude, I now manage my perfectionist tendencies much better and, perhaps ironically, I do now feel as though I am making the most out of my time abroad.

1. Focus on each day as it comes and less so on the long term

Try to focus on your plans for each particular day, rather than letting the long-term goals consume your thoughts. Setting one or two specific goals for each day will not only allow you to feel a sense of accomplishment, but also you will feel less disheartened about where you stand in achieving your long-term aims. 

2. Plan one trip away each month

Of course, you want to make the most of your time studying abroad, so try to book a trip away every month or so to somewhere new – even if it is just a day trip to a nearby city. This will give you something to look forward to on those days when perhaps you’re not feeling so great and will also remind you that you are making time to explore wherever you’re living. A change of scenery is very often a good shout for when you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with your university workload; keeping an eye on the latest travel advice will also keep your mind at ease.

3. Stay in regular contact with friends and family

Loneliness intensifies stress levels, so keeping in regular contact with your friends and family at home should not be underestimated. A FaceTime with your best friend, or quick call with your parents will remind you how great you already are.  It’s very likely that they think that the very essence of what you’re doing is really impressive; you should already be proud of yourself for the very fact that you’re living abroad, in a different culture, and speaking a foreign language. 

To quote an Italian proverb, ‘Le meglio è l'inimico del bene’ - ‘Perfection is the enemy of good’. Making the leap and heading off to study abroad is truly an amazing accomplishment in itself. If you can take a step back and recognise that what you’re doing right now is good enough, you will enjoy your time abroad so much more. With my advice and the vast array of information available from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office’s Travel Aware website, your Year Abroad will be as stress-free as possible.

For further information, advice and resources on looking after your wellbeing during a year abroad, click here. 

Hey, I'm Charlotte and I'm a third-year student at University College London. I'm writing for Student Minds to open up the conversation and raise awareness about mental health.