How I Keep My Mind Happy on a Year Abroad

Abi shares what she found most important to keep herself happy on a year abroad.

- Abi 

In September, I moved to Italy for my Year Abroad. I have adventured around the country, made wonderful friends, and tried many new things – but it hasn’t been a walk in the park. Here is what I have learnt over the past few months about staying well abroad. 

Join Clubs:

I know my mind is happiest when it is kept busy, so joining societies was always going to be an integral part of staying well abroad. As soon as I arrived in Italy, I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone by joining an orchestra, a Christian Union and a youth volunteering group. Thanks to this, I’ve been able to settle into a routine and meet some friends who have helped make the tough times I’ve faced so far, a little less tough! So, it sounds obvious, but joining clubs is a really good way of seeing your Year Abroad location as ‘home’ rather than just a place you’re passing through.

Tick things off a bucket list:

The prospect of Year Abroad seemed so unknown compared to routinely university life in England, but I figured that gave me a blank slate to work with. Back in August, I decided to make myself two bucket lists to ensure I make the most out of my year. The first was for all the places I want to travel to and experiences I want to live. The second was for ways in which I want to push myself out of my comfort zone in order to grow mentally throughout the year. This includes things like asking a question in a lecture and speaking on the phone in Italian. The satisfaction I get from ticking things off this bucket list is enough to help me keep striving through the year towards my next goal.

Put Down Your Phone:

Keeping things in perspective is crucial for my mental state. Everyone has their highs and lows but, surprisingly or not, it’s usually only the best parts that are shared on Instagram and Facebook. I deleted the majority of my social media apps so that I stop comparing my seemingly average Year Abroad experience to those of other people, and start appreciating it for what it is. So, take some advice from a fellow Year Abroad student who is living their fair share of struggles away from home: limit time spent on social media and take what you do see published with a pinch of salt.

Keep a ‘Positive Diary’:

Like a lot of people, I tend to dwell on my faults and failures much more than on my successes. And, unfortunately for me, the dreaded language and cultural barriers mean that mistakes are part and parcel of living in a foreign country. So, at the end of every day, I write down a few things I can be proud of or happy about. This helps me to remember how much I am gaining from the experience and is also a great way of keeping a record of my everyday life which I know I’ll love looking back on in years to come. 

Scrapbook:

Sometimes we all need an escape. I’ve needed to use mine a lot since moving to Italy. Scrapbooking is one of my favourites. When things get a bit much, my go-to measure is to pop the kettle on, blast some Tom Odell, and do some mindful cutting and gluing. Looking at all the photos and scraps I’ve collected from around Italy reminds me of how much I’ve accomplished since arriving here, and how worth the efforts and tears my Year Abroad is after all. It makes me proud to be able to say that I’ve left my comfort zone far behind and managed something I didn’t think I was capable of.

Keep in contact with your home university:

And last but not least, remember that Universities have wellbeing services which can still offer you support whilst you’re abroad. It’s okay not to be okay, whether you’re in the UK, or further afield.

Hello! I am a third-year Modern Languages student at the University of Exeter. I wish to use what I've learnt from my mental health struggles to help other students, as well as to break down the stigma surrounding issues to make it easier for people to speak out and seek help.

Click here for more tips on a Year Abroad

5 Reasons Why You Should Write for the Student Minds Blog

In this blog, Carys, one of our sub-editors, shares the reasons why she writes for this blog and reassures those considering blogging for us…

1. Blogging is powerful:

A lot of people who are struggling with their mental health find comfort on the internet, where they can research symptoms and read stories of personal experiences without anyone knowing. The Student Minds blog is an enormous hub of information about pretty much everything to do with student well-being (if there’s something you feel is missing… write about it for us!). We know a lot of students and recent graduates find comfort and reassurance in the work we publish, in addition to the relevant signposting to other charities or services that they might find beneficial. 

2. Blogging is rewarding:

Furthermore, blogging for us is so rewarding. By sharing your personal story and experience on the “biggest blog dedicated to student mental health and well-being”, you are certainly helping at least one other person to get the help they need or to manage challenging situations. We all know how it feels when university isn’t really the time of our lives like everyone said it would be. The Student Minds blog gives us a platform to help someone else in their recovery. It is so fulfilling. 

3. Blogging does not require you to have a diagnosed mental illness:

Mental health and mental illness are two separate things: everyone has a mental health but only some people have a mental illness. Here at Student Minds we talk about mental health as a continuum, which means we recognise our mental health as fluctuating constantly and as incredibly personal to an individual. Needing to have a mental illness to write for us is a complete myth! Student mental well-being is such a broad subject area that affects all students and we welcome posts from all perspectives. Check out the blog for ideas and examples of titles. 

4. Blogging is for everyone:

Honestly, if you’re interested in contributing to our blog, we want to hear from you! Even if you’ve never blogged before or are not sure about your topic being relevant – I bet if past-you would have found it useful, it will be for someone else too! 

In addition to our blogging guidelines which contain loads of blogging tips and rules, there is the blog editorial team. There are 9 of us in total and we are just ordinary student volunteers from across the UK - not professional writers or famous bloggers – so the pressure’s off! After you’ve sent us your draft blog via the Write for the Blog web-page, one of us will be assigned to work with you to make sure that it is trigger-free and typo-free before uploading it. We will always make sure you’re happy with the edited version before we publish. Lots of you may be worried about “writing the wrong thing” – a concern we hear a lot. The role of the editorial team is to make sure things are appropriate to publish and we are trained to spot these “wrong things” and change them. 

Finally, an average blog post is 600-800 words – not a lot at all! It’s not as time consuming or difficult as you might think. We also are not just all about blogging: this year we are wanting to expand the blog to include vlogs! If writing isn’t your thing but the camera is, why not give it a go? 

5. Blogging is awesome:

The blogging community (you guys) is really the heart of the blog. So many contributors from many different walks of life all come together to make this blog a reality – it could be you too! I personally love the mini biography and photo at the end of each post, as it really helps give some personality to the blog and show that we are all just students helping other students. In this section we are more than happy to link your personal blog or website too if you’d like! 

However, we understand writing about mental health can be a sensitive area and sometimes you’re not quite fully ready to share. Of course, you can publish your blog anonymously – we just won’t put this part at the end, nor your name in the blurb – either giving you a pseudonym of your choice or simply being called anon.

Behind this blog are 9 amazing volunteers who give up our time to make this a reality and be a huge source of information for students and recent graduates across the UK. We all really hope to see your work in our inbox and online very soon! If you have any questions you can tweet or DM us @StudentMindsOrg and we’ll get back to you! 

I'm Carys, a 4th year Modern Languages student at Durham University. As well as my passion for languages and travel, I love talking about mental health and I am one of the Student Minds editors this year. Please get in touch if you have any questions or comments about my work - I love hearing from you!

Disclosing your mental health status to your university

In this blog Romana reflects on her experience of disclosing her mental health to her university, highlighting the range of options available to support students

-Romana

Disclosing your mental health problems to your university can be scary. Telling anybody that you’re struggling is daunting enough, but to have it written in your records - labelling you as having a long-term mental health condition or a disability - can be difficult. However, it is important to remember that in doing this, you may be able to access wellbeing support services that are available to you through your university. I am a fourth year student, and having ticked the ‘long-term mental health condition’ box when I registered for university this year, I am finally learning about and accessing the services that are available to support me.

Every university will have a different process in regards to disclosing your mental health. Personally, having initially disclosed my mental health status, the first step for me was organising a meeting with the mental health pathway team. The aim of this was to help me to consider my support optionsacross the university, and to put adjustments in place where my mental health impacts my ability to study.

For example, as a result of my illness, I often struggle to motivate myself in the mornings, as this is the time of day that I experience low mood and negative thoughts. As a result, more often than not I don’t attend my morning lectures. This meeting with the mental health pathway team has lead to my timetable being adjusted for next term, so that lectures are predominantly scheduled for afternoons where possible. This will stop me from feeling disappointed and demotivated as a result of missing lectures, as well as ensuring that I do not fall behind in my studies.

Furthermore, on my lowest days I will often find it especially difficult to work, complete assignments, or even get out of bed. Instead I’ll spend entire days sleeping, avoiding responsibility, with no regard for the consequences. This isn’t because I’m lazy; I just feel helpless, useless, and I genuinely struggle to find purpose in these days. However, another result of this meeting was that I am now able to easily apply for deadline extensions if I find that I am struggling, or that work is overwhelming me and building up. Whilst I hope that I won’t have to push back my deadlines, it is comforting to know that if everything seems to be going wrong, I will be able to relieve the pressure by giving myself a few extra days to complete my work. 

But personally, my biggest support service is my personal tutor. Once I had disclosed my illness to the university, he immediately emailed me to organise for us to meet once every two weeks; to check up on me and to see how I am getting on. When I am feeling good, I talk to him about the modules that I’m enjoying, my extra-curricular activities, and how my search for a graduate job is coming along. When I am feeling bad, he offers me the academic and emotional support that inspires me to keep going. I know that not everybody is happy with their personal tutor support, so I consider myself extremely lucky that my tutor is so compassionate.

I know that besides the services that I am accessing right now, there are loads more that are available to me. These include exam adjustmentssuch as extra time and sitting exams in a smaller room, wellbeing therapy services and disabled students’ allowance, which offers a personal mentor for weekly support meetings.

These services are there because the university want to see students succeed, and they want to support students in doing so.  Everybody wants to get me through my final year, and I want to get through my final year, finishing with a top grade in spite of my mental illness. So even though it can feel like admitting defeat - giving in and accepting that I need support - I believe that disclosing my illness to the university and accessing support services are essential in ensuring my success this year.

My name is Romana, and I am a fourth year Maths student at the University of Exeter. I have never been one to open up about my struggles with mental health, but I have decided to write for the Student Minds blog as a way to express and understand what I have been going through, as well as to hopefully bring reassurance to others who are feeling as I have.

Dear Fresher Me

Michael writes about some tips and tricks he wish he knew as a fresher. 

Starting university can be a really fun, exciting, and self-defining experience. But it can also be challenging, particularly whilst you settle in and find your feet. I started university after spending two years in full time work and I found it really intimidating and overwhelming. I felt like I didn’t belong and this made me anxious around others and pretty hard on myself. 5 years later I am still at uni and much happier. Here, I give my 5 #DearFresherMe tips for managing when you start university.

1.      Find Your University Support

You might not need it but it’s always helpful to have an idea early on of where to go for support if you feel like are struggling. Find out what student welfare services and general pastoral care your university provides, what they do, and how to access them. It helped me to speak to a member of the welfare team on the first day - after that, they looked out for me during the first few weeks whilst I was struggling.

2.      Ask for Help if You Need It. 

Speak up if you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. I found that people were really supportive and accommodating if they knew you were struggling but, with so many other students, they might not realise something is wrong unless you tell them. Equally don’t be afraid to ask about uni life more generally. I thought that if I asked questions about the academic or social elements of university life, people would think I was stupid. But it becomes harder to ask the longer time goes on. The opening few weeks are a really good time to explore how everything works and ask questions.

3.      Get into a Healthy Routine.

You might find when you get to University that you have less compulsory contact hours than you expected. For some, this can make it hard to know when the work starts, whilst, for others, it can be hard to know when it stops. Either way, it will be helpful to get into a healthy routine early on to help balance your time and look after yourself. I found that it helped to treat my uni work as a job with set times and spaces; I chose to only work at the library so that I could keep my room as a time and space for me. 

4.      Get Organised

Because I felt anxious and overwhelmed, it really helped to get organised. Use a diary, record academic deadlines and other commitments, file your work, and regularly check and sort your university emails to make sure that you are on track and don’t miss anything. This will likely save you some stress and last minute panics!

5.      Relationships Matter.

Having a good support network of friends will help you get the most out of your university experience. Although building new friendships takes time and effort, it really is worth it. If you find it hard meeting new people, you won’t be alone – there will be other people that will feel the same and really appreciate a smile and a chat. Or you could try to find ways of meeting people with similar interests by joining societies or volunteering.

Everybody’s university journey is unique, and we all go to university with different hopes, fears and expectations. Try to take things at your own pace based on the advice that feels right for you. 

About Michael:

Hi, I'm Michael. I'm a postgraduate student at Durham. I want to write for Student Minds to share my own experiences of depression and anxiety and tackle the stigma around mental health.

Some useful links:

Finding Support: https://www.studentminds.org.uk/findsupport.html

Transition to university: https://www.studentminds.org.uk/transitions.html

Looking after your wellbeing:  

https://www.studentminds.org.uk/lookingafteryourmentalwellbeing.html

My experiences as an LGBT+ student

In this blog, Emily talks about navigating university as a LGBT+ student and the importance of finding a support network.

“I’ve been embraced by a new community. That’s what happens when you’re finally honest about who you are; you find others like you.” – Chaz Bono.

When I first arrived at university five years ago, I’d never really considered what it meant to be LGBT+. Personally, I’ve never been one who prioritised sex or relationships. That hasn’t really changed during my time at university. However, university has been a chance for me to explore my sexuality and begin to discover who I am.

I’ve had strong feelings for males and for females. I would comfortably express myself as bisexual. However, simultaneously, I have never had any desire for anything sexual with either men or women. Therefore, I would also label myself as asexual.

Labelling myself as either bisexual or asexual has been something that I’ve only felt comfortable in doing throughout my most recent, final year at university. Before then, I’ve kept it a secret from everyone. Several things have made me more comfortable in being open about my bisexuality/asexuality confusion, including surrounding myself with people who are part of the LGBT+ community. Most of my closest friends are LGBT+, lots of the people I look up to as role models are LGBT+ and I love and cherish them all – they’re all also the kindest, most inspirational people I know. I think being around LGBT+ people has made me to feel more comfortable about my own sexuality and my own place in the LGBT+ community, and is also useful for other students who are learning about their sexual identity.

One of the regrets I take away from my time at university is not joining the LGBT+ society or attending of their events – I recommend this for any LGBT+ or questioning student. For the first four years of my degree, I didn’t feel comfortable being open about it. Then, in my final year, while I wanted to be involved, I was too busy. However, something I valued a lot was having the opportunity to explore my sexuality through the students’ newspaper. I wrote articles about being confused between bisexual and asexual, and I also wrote creative writing pieces with a focus on LGBT+ relationships.

Being an LGBT+ student at university isn’t always simple and easy, but one thing that I think really does make a lot of difference, genuinely, is having a brilliant support network around you.

“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it’s curved like a road through mountains.” – Tennessee Williams. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting;  I was also involved with Swansea Student Media and the university's student newspaper - Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues and support friends who also have mental health difficulties. i am passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experience, both in helping me to explore and cope with my mental health as well as sharing my story in order to help others. 

#DearFresherMe: Eating disorder recovery, finding balance and self-compassion

In this blog, Ana reflects on the advice she’d give her younger self on starting university with a history of mental health difficulties and learning to thrive in a time of big change and transition. 

Moving to university having suffered from an eating disorder can seem an anxious and lonely prospect. Universities place a big emphasis on socialising, which inevitably includes eating and drinking. This terrified me before leaving home: what if my eating disorder stopped me from meeting new people and not being as social as I was expected to be? Making your own food can also be really hard. The newfound independence and responsibility makes it easy to revert into old habits, and the fear of people watching me eat or commenting on my food preferences all played a part in the nervous emotions I felt leaving home.

So, as I head into my final year, what would I say to my fresher self now?

First of all, everyone has their own thing going on. People aren’t really too bothered about your odd habits or irrational insecurities. Everyone is scared, everyone is anxious and everyone is probably in the same boat, having some sort of fear. In a kind of weird way, it’s nice to remember this because it can make you feel less alien, and less alone. So just trust yourself!

Secondly, and most importantly, I would tell myself to have fun. University is a once in a life time experience. There’s so much to learn, so take advantage of that. Keep busy, find new hobbies, meet new people, and soon enough, the fears you had leaving home won’t seem so scary. You’ll end up spending the holidays waiting to go back to your student city, back to your friends, and back to studying what you love!

Having said all that, there will be days where things are difficult, and you can feel lonely. It may seem like no one understands what’s going through your head. Sometimes you just want to stay in and have time to yourself or do something to unwind. This is totally normal, and Yoga and Meditation societies often have plenty of members keen to take a step back and enjoy some time to chill. 

No matter what you feel, there is always support and someone you can talk to. There will always be someone who ‘gets’ it, whether you final them in a mental health society or amongst your flatmates. The wellbeing departments at university also offer amazing support: they understand that university can be a fun but challenging time, and the big changes can continue to affect you even once you’ve settled in. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It’s normal to struggle sometimes, and as much as everyone else seems to be having fun, almost all of us will feel a bit blue at some point throughout the year. 

Finally, find the balance of you-time and having fun. They’re both as important as each other. Before you know it, you’ll be in your graduation gown thinking, where did the time go?!

I’m a third year Drama student at University of Exeter, and have loved my time at uni. There have been ups and downs but I wouldn’t change a thing. I am hoping to share my experience of my own mental health struggles in order to reassure someone moving to university that everything always works out!

How to Succeed at University with Autism

Eloise writes about the challenges of being at university with autism, and gives her advice on managing change, disclosure and making friends.

- Eloise Stark 

Approximately 3% of students in higher education are autistic. I am one of them, and have successfully navigated my way to a PhD - although not without challenges. Here, I share my advice for how to succeed at university when you are autistic. 

Change

Change is really hard for autistic students. Going to a new and unfamiliar city can be terribly daunting. Before I came to Oxford to study, I visited many times so that I became familiar with the city and the layout of the colleges, libraries, and departments. If it’s too far for you to travel, you can use Google Maps to navigate the city and work out routes between key places (accommodation, your department, the sports centre etc.) 

Give yourself credit for the extra energy expended while getting used to change. Take more rest breaks, and try not to do too much in one go. I find that change makes me a lot more anxious, so I compensate for that by spending more time in places where I can relax. 

Disclosure

A big question mark hangs over the decision to disclose your autism to the university, tutors, and friends. Many people who have not disclosed their autism express fear about the possibility of stigma or discrimination. Whilst this is a really valid fear, it is important to remember that the Equality Act (2010) asserts that it is unlawful for an educational institution to discriminate against anyone with autism, and you can complain if you feel you have been discriminated against. 

Declaring your autism to the university can open avenues to support. For example, you may be eligible for a specialist mentor provided by Disability Students’ Allowance (DSA). I have a mentor, and it helps to be able to chat to someone regularly about my course and experience of studying. You can also get specialist equipment from the DSA, such as mind-mapping software or a laptop. 

Disclosing your autism to friends is a personal decision, and you should never feel obliged to do anything that you’re not fully comfortable with. I prefer to get to know someone really well before I choose to tell them. The advantage of telling friends is that they can look out for you if you are in a situation that you find difficult, such as a party or a group seminar. 

Safe space on campus 

If you find the hubbub of campus stressful, you can always approach your university to ask them to provide a “safe space” for when anxiety is high and you need a low-stimulation environment to relax in. You might prefer to go to the library, or you may choose to ask for somewhere specific to be designated. Your university is obliged to make “reasonable adjustments” for students with disabilities. 

Making friends

Making friends is nerve-wracking for every student, including autistic students. My advice would be to join societies and sports clubs, to meet like-minded people. I’m a member of the Oxford University Walking Club, the Origami Society, and I also enjoy rowing, which allows me to socialise but in a more structured way. Don’t worry if you don’t click with the people living nearby – you will have plenty more opportunities to make friends, including with the people on your course. 

It is also important to remember that lots of students don’t like drinking alcohol or going on alcohol-fuelled nights out. For autistic students, the noise and bright flashing lights of a club can send us into sensory overload. If the people you live with are into this kind of thing, don’t feel pressure to join in if you don’t want to. 

See the positives

Many autistic students excel at university. Our focus, ability to spend hours working on things we find interesting, and attention to detail make us great scholars. Allow yourself to thrive and flourish. Celebrate every tiny victory. Find your “tribe” – like-minded others who you get on with. And most importantly, if things aren’t going so well, please reach out for help because there is always a way around a problem. Good luck! 

Hi, my name is Eloise and I am a second year PhD student at Oxford University, studying at the intersection between Neuroscience and Psychiatry. I am passionate about mental health, reducing stigma and increasing empathy for people experiencing distress. 

Twitter: @eloiseastark / @HedoniaResearch 

#DearFresherMe: First Year Expectations vs. Reality

Lucy reflects on her experience at university and describes how the expectations that Freshers face can compare with reality.

- Lucy

#DearFresherMe,

If you’re reading this, it’s highly likely that your first days at university are within close reach or perhaps they have even already begun. Are you feeling excited? That's expected! Are you feeling a little nervous? That's totally normal! Are you absolutely terrified and beginning to feel unsure of your decision? That's also very common too! Hopefully this post can help you realise that you won't be the only one experiencing these mixed emotions.

"University will be the best years of your life" is probably a phrase you’ll have heard over and over again since you received confirmation that you’re going to uni. Whilst this can feel very encouraging, it can also feel incredibly daunting as it creates expectations and pressures that you may end up finding difficult to meet.

For some people, university can actually be the most challenging and difficult years of their life. So, repeatedly hearing this particular phrase can lead them to feel isolated, alone and disappointed in themselves as their experiences don’t seem to be matching the ‘picture-perfect’ experience that university is made out to be.

It's very important to remember that if this is how you feel, you're not alone. Many other students are feeling the exact same way! So, whilst this phrase may turn out true for many students, it’s worth noting it is also far from the truth for many others. Try not to let the pressures and expectations cloud your vision or make you feel bad about the experiences you do have; your university experience is going to be completely personal to you. University isn't always going to be a smooth ride and it's totally normal for it to be a rocky road instead.

It’s okay to be scared. It's okay to miss home. It's okay to feel a little out of your depth.

The first few weeks or even months of University can be very tough for many people. Due to the high expectations of it being nothing but absolute joy and excitement, it can make dealing with the difficult times a lot harder to cope with, especially alone. 

Remember, being away from home for the first time is a big change, and not something anyone expects you to find easy. It’s okay to be scared and to miss home. It's totally normal to feel out of your depth and unsure whether you are even going to stick it out. It’s completely fine to cry and to want to call your parents whenever you want and need to. 

Being open with others about how you feel is probably going to make you feel so much better in the long run. Express your feelings rather than try and push them away because it's completely normal to be feeling the way that you are.

Everyone else around me is having the best time but I'm not feeling it. What's wrong with me?

Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you at all. I can guarantee that you are not the only one who isn't having the best time. If you talk to those around you, there is a high chance that they will be going through the same thing too but feel too nervous to admit it themselves. 

Everyone is trying to live out the high expectations that have been set, that they may fear being open about how they really feel. If you take that first step and be honest with how you are feeling, you may end up helping some other people along the way.

Overall, university is an incredible experience, and one that for me personally was life-changing. However, this doesn't mean that every single aspect of it is going to be an easy ride. The experience will be different for every person, so it's important to focus on your own, without making comparisons to other people around you. Try to make the most of the good times but don't try and hide the hard times. Be open, speak about them and don't be afraid to admit when you're struggling.

You are never alone and there will always be someone who is going through a similar thing.

If you would like more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, click here.

Hello! I'm Lucy, a Clinical Psychology Masters student at Anglia Ruskin University! Through studying Psychology and experiencing life as a student, I have become incredibly passionate about mental health and helping to make a positive change. I have been volunteering for Student Minds for the past 2 years as a Peer Support Facilitator at my university and the Editor of the Student Minds blog. I also have my own blog to help spread awareness around mental health - https://lucyrebekah.wordpress.com/

#DearFresherMe: Making friends, switching courses and missing home

In this blog, Laura shares the advice she'd give her younger self about starting university and managing all the challenges along the way.

When it comes to friends, it’s about quality not quantity.

In the first few weeks everybody talks to everybody, but real friendships stand the test of time. Finding your tribe is a tricky process, so it’s okay if your first friends at university don’t last beyond the first term. It might take a while to meet your people, but at the end of the day true friendships bring out the best in you; a handful of close buddies will get you through far more than a thousand Facebook friends will.

Feeling lonely and homesick is much more common than people will have you believe.

I cannot stress this enough. No matter what people say, everyone will – at some point – miss their home or their mum or their dog or their bed. Going to university rips you out of your comfort zone and throws you in the deep end. It’s absolutely normal to miss your home life.

First year is unlikely to be the best year.

In a twist of fate, my final year was actually the best of them all. I truly loved the city, I knew campus like the back of my hand, and I lived with the most wonderful friends I could ask for. In comparison, my first year was extremely average: I was self-conscious and insecure; I missed my boyfriend from home; I was lonely and homesick; and I didn’t know how to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. Although I did have a lot of fun, and the newfound independence and freedom was exciting, it was also unsettling and for a lot of the time I didn’t feel all that good. This is normal. It takes a while to find your place, so don’t freak out if first year isn’t everything you hoped for.

You can change your mind about your course.

I began studying joint honours but dropped to single honours in my final year. One of my friends actually changed degrees twice. At eighteen, deciding what to study for the next three years, or more, of your life and potentially directing your career, is a big ask and not everyone gets it right the first time. Most universities allow students to change courses within the first few weeks, but if it gets beyond that, and you’re still not happy, talk to your tutors and they will help you. You’re investing a lot of time and money into your degree, so it’s important to study something you love.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

When it comes to social media, people are only putting out what they want you to see. So when it looks like someone is having the absolute time of their life, it’s easy to compare. You might start thinking that you aren’t having enough fun, or you haven’t made enough friends, or you’re the only one in the country who isn’t actually enjoying university, but I can assure you this is not the case. Take everything you see online with a pinch of salt; it’s just a snapshot of a life and things are rarely as hunky dory as they seem.

Look after your mental and physical health.

Above everything, this is the most important thing to remember. Do the really boring stuff like sign up to the GP and make sure you know what emotional support is available if needed. Most universities have counselling services, support groups and mental health advisers whose sole purpose is to support you; never be afraid to ask for help.

My name's Laura and I'm a postgraduate student at Bournemouth University. I'm writing for Student Minds to share my experience of mental health difficulties at university and to encourage others to reach out for support.

Talk Club: asking for help

Michael writes about what the film Fight Club can teach us about mental health.

- Michael

Fighting Myself

For a long time, I found Uni really tough. It was definitely made tougher though, I see now, by my total reluctance to ask for help. I suffered in silence, spiralling into despair as I increasingly struggled to fight my own thoughts. I remember a concerned staff member speaking to me. They suggested that I should go to the counselling service. “There is no point going to counselling”, I told them dismissively. ‘It’s a waste of time’. “I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to do something!” This desire for action at times of difficulty is understandable and it can, of course, be very healthy to take appropriate action to change certain circumstances in your life if they are causing you excess stress and distress. But it can become damaging if, like me, this desire to do something stops you from wanting to face up to, and talk about, your feelings. Taking action is not the problem here – but viewing action as a ‘quick fix’ to our emotional problems can cause problems if it stops us from talking about them. By reflecting on the film Fight Club, I hope to show how destructive prioritising action over talking can be (especially for men) and why we shouldn’t be dismissive about asking for help.

Fighting the Expectations

I think men can be particularly susceptible to this view (due, in large part, to the emotionally repressive barriers to talking about feelings imposed by the ‘rules’ of masculinity – I have posted on this before). I certainly remember having some vague (and false) preconception that, when times are hard, women talk about it and men deal with it on their own. Research suggests that men are less likely to talk to a friend, family member or professional about their mental health, and are less likely to value, seek or access talking therapies than women - tending, instead, towards self-destructive and harmful behaviours (see www.menshealthforum.org.uk).

Fight Club

Fight Club, on the surface, seemed to suggest the perfect outlet to me; a form of therapy based solely on action and not talking (after all, the first rule of Fight Club is that ‘you do not talk about Fight Club’). For me, the film symbolised an easy way to express difficult emotions that was, at last, actually permitted, indeed encouraged, by the rules of masculinity. In the film, as in my own mind at the time, fight club was man therapy (contrasted with the supposedly futile and feminised talking therapies in the opening scenes). It was not necessarily that I wanted to fight (although there were times when I projected my internal fight onto external sources). It was more that I just wanted to do something, anything, to break out of and distract myself from my own thoughts, no matter how much pain it brought. In Fight Club, having fought, the character’s problems seem muted, insignificant even. They claim to feel better and more self-aware. But, as the group mutates into an anti-capitalist terrorist organisation, the film shows us how the therapy offered by fight club can be dangerous and illusionary. By the end, the two protagonists have morphed into an alter-ego fighting each other. Their fight is self-destructive. In the same way, by refusing to ask for help and trying to take action to fight my feelings on my own, I was only fighting myself.

Talk Club

After finally seeking professional help, I now have a different view of counselling and talking about feelings more generally. We shouldn’t dismiss talking as inferior to action, because talking is itself a form of action. By this, I mean that when I eventually did talk to someone, it opened up new positive actions that, trapped in my own self-destructive thought patterns, hadn’t occurred to me before. Talking (and indeed blog writing) helped me to (re)order my thoughts and reach a new understanding of the experiences that I was finding tough. Fight the stigma not yourself: speak out and ask for help.

About Michael:

Hi, I'm Michael. I'm a postgraduate student at Durham. I want to write for Student Minds to share my own experiences of depression and anxiety and tackle the stigma around mental health.Some useful links if you're looking for support:Nightline - Student Listening signposting service, who can help you on your way to finding support. Find your uni Nightline ​here HopeLineUK - phone service for young people, staffed by professionals T: 08000684141 E: ​pat@papyrus-uk.org

Counting down to the next academic year: managing the fear.

Emma writes about dealing with anxiety in the build up to the academic year, and how to face it when you finally return to university.

- Emma

As I write this post I am counting down the days until my third year at university begins. I took a year out after second year to do a placement after having had a tough time adjusting to uni life. Although I feel like there is more awareness around this topic now, when I first went off to university I was so excited to start a new chapter of my life: I hoped I’d become this vibrant, extroverted and more relaxed version of myself that I blamed A-Levels for hiding. Needless to say, this wasn’t the case. My first year of uni really wasn’t what I had expected and I felt like this was all my fault. I missed home a lot more than I thought I would and I found myself comparing my not-so-great experience with that of friends at other universities who seemed to be having the time of their lives.

Eventually, summer semester was over and I had a whole 3 months at home stretched out in front of me – I couldn’t have been happier. However, as September began to creep closer, I could feel myself becoming more and more scared at the prospect of going back to the life that I had managed to avoid for the past few months, a life filled with home-sickness, deadlines, stress and – worst of all – loneliness. 

It turned out that, although second year still wasn’t the amazing experience I was searching for, it was a lot better than I feared it would be. After all, the fear and anxiety at the anticipation of something is rarely ever as bad as the reality. 

This leads me to where I am at now: a new term is almost here once again and, although I am beginning to feel the dreaded final year nerves, I am in a much difference place to this time last year. So I want to share some key messages that have helped me out this time around, in thinking about the coming academic year.

1. Enjoy the present but don’t be afraid to plan ahead. 

As much as it can be tempting to bury your head in the sand for a few more weeks and pretend term-time isn’t approaching, it won’t help in the long run and it’ll only make you think about it even more. Be prepared. Write a couple of goals or things you want to achieve for the new academic year. Problem solve any potential barriers that might get in the way. I found going to the gym helpful when I was feeling down during first year, but I stopped when deadlines became too much. This year I plan to maintain going to the gym by setting up the habit before term actually starts and choosing a gym located on my way home from campus. 

2. Push yourself 

I know all too well that being in your comfort zone can seem like the best place to be when you’re not feeling yourself or if you’re missing home. Sometimes this can be helpful and wrapping yourself up in your blankets with a hot drink can be the best way to unwind after a tricky day, but don’t let this be an excuse! Often the best thing for yourself may be the thing you really don’t want to do. For example, going into the kitchen to have dinner with a flatmate or arranging to meet a friend after lectures. Doing the thing you don’t want to do (especially when it comes to socialising) will give you such a sense of achievement in yourself that it will beat any satisfaction from a night in watching Netflix. And it gets easier each time, I promise!

3. It’s okay not to be okay

University isn’t always the best time of your life and I’ve realised this through opening up to friends and educating myself about student wellbeing through sites such as Student Minds. If you’re not enjoying certain aspects of it, try to change them. If you can’t, also know that these things will pass and you just have to ride them out as best as you can. As cliché as it sounds, things do get better, you just have to be ready and waiting for when they do!

Hi everyone! I’m Emma and I study Psychology at King’s College London. I’m currently on a placement year working in the NHS – so (hopefully!) I can combine what I’ve learnt on placement with my experience as a student in my writing. I haven’t got much of a background in blogging/writing but I look forward to sharing my take on mental health and student life. I’m really excited to be able to contribute to the Student Minds blog as mental wellbeing is a topic I love to talk about and should never be overlooked!

How Being Mindful of My Judgements of Others Helped Me Manage Anxiety

Ethan explores how mindfulness, while not always the quick and easy solution to mental health struggles it is often claimed to be, helped him with his depression and anxiety.

- Ethan

I’m sure we’ve all heard of the word ‘mindfulness’ by now, a very popular buzzword that is often presented as a quick solution to many common mental health struggles. But, because of how often mindfulness is portrayed as a seemingly effortless solution, it can be frustrating when our issues are not immediately solved upon a first attempt to be mindful. As a result, to many, it can seem like a futile exercise. 

Before starting University, intrigued by this illusive practice that promised to make me happier, I picked up one of many books on mindfulness: G. Hasson’s ‘Mindfulness: Be mindful. Live in the moment.’As I was reading through it, it all seemed to make sense; take time to breathe, don’t let your thoughts run wild, and keep calm when facing new situations. Even though this all sounded very idealistic and unachievable, I began to dedicate periods of time to mindfulness – like a form of meditation but while doing other things – into my life. 

However, after coming to university and facing struggles with depression and constant self-deprecating thoughts, living a mindful life couldn’t have seemed more unrealistic. I became very fixated on my appearance, as it was something I could use to control how people viewed me and to hide how I really felt. Before leaving my room, I would first shower, then meticulously iron my clothes and lather my hair with gel, not allowing one hair to be out of place. 

This constant self-criticism and surveillance of my appearance didn’t end when I got ready for the day. Leaving my room only ramped-up my anxiety. Not feeling great about your appearance doesn’t pair well with having low confidence with what’s on the inside too. I also found that if I caught myself judging other people on the way they looked, talked, or presented themselves, I would evoke a feeling of guilt in myself. I felt horrible about how quickly my mind leapt to judgments of others; it was unfair of me to label them, or think less of them, and doing so, in turn, made me think less of myself. 

It was at this time that I began trying again to incorporate more bursts of mindfulness into my life, but nothing too significant or frustrating to overwhelm myself. I began simply being mindful of my judgments of others before I even began to try to be mindful of my own thoughts or life. Of course, it is difficult at first to control the judgments that pop into our heads. At first, I tried my best to pass positive judgments on others. Perhaps I would identify a nice piece of clothing, or the happy mood they appeared to be in, without being too envious of either. I then began to try to imagine and empathise with the identity struggles that they may also be facing. I found it beneficial to just look at each person as a human trying to get by, rather than the veil that they presented themselves behind. 

After practicing this more, and guilting myself less for judging others, I had found a beneficial way to practice mindfulness. I felt like I had imposed some sense of control over my thoughts, rather than letting them run riot as it is so easy for us to do. I could then put this into practice with my own appearance, negative thoughts, and stressful situations, helping me to manage my anxious thoughts a bit more each day. 

Hey, I'm Ethan! Having not found the past few years a breeze, as few people do, and struggling along the journey to know myself and where I'd like for my life to take me, I thought I'd share my experiences and the lessons I've learnt from for others going through similar struggles, in hope that you also get a better idea of how you want to experience life. I'm currently studying Philosophy and Politics at UEA.

How To Make The Most Of Fresher's Week (And Beyond)

Rhianna looks back on her First Year experience and shares her 3 top tips for making the most of it.

- Rhianna Levi

University is such an exciting and life-changing experiencing. You’re not simply studying a degree; you’re also gaining new skills, opening yourself to new opportunities and meeting new people. It’s inevitable you’re going to develop immensely as an individual.

This time last year, I was starting that experience myself. So, I thought it would be beneficial to share my top tips in regard to starting University and making the most of that transition!

1. Take advantage of meeting new people. 

Whether it be on your course, in your halls or through university events, you’ll find many opportunities to meet new people as socialising is a big part of university life. Even though it can be terrifying at first, remember that you’re not alone in feeling nervous. You’re all in the same boat, hoping to make friends quickly.

Connecting with others from different backgrounds makes first year and beyond really enjoyable and eye-opening. What you will find is that the friends you make at University have a tendency to become friends for life!

2. Find and utilise the support available. 

In Fresher’s week, become aware of the support your university offers and try and remember this for the entirety of your University career. Your supervisors, your lecturers, the University mental health services and The Student Union are all there to help you settle and succeed, both socially, emotionally and academically. They do not bite; they are really lovely and approachable and will go out of their way to support you in your endeavours and wellbeing! 

3. Keep organised

Obviously, the first few weeks are very chaotic. They’re full of adrenaline and the apprehensive attempts of ‘Adulting’! However, when things start to settle, remember your passion for your course and your academic aspirations and responsibilities.

It’s important to keep up to date with the reading and tasks that your course gives. This will prevent you feeling overwhelmed and becoming too stressed. Use good time management and essay planning in your assignments, exams and projects. Also, act upon the feedback you are given. Remember, your tutors are NOT belittling you, but are helping you get the best degree classification that you can at the end of your degree! Finally, try and aim for regular contact with your personal academic tutor throughout the three years. They’ll help you to check your progress and are often a first point of call for if you begin to struggle.

Overall, uni will be a unique and exciting experience. Hopefully, these tips will make your transition a smooth one and will set you up for a great first year!

I am a 19-year-old BA Hons English Literature student from The University of Worcester with a love for literature, cats, coffee, and travelling. I am an active mental health advocate and blogger, and not only write for Student Minds, but also run my own blog, and I am largely involved in various campaigns and social media platforms. Hope you all like my writing!