Why my MA will be my new beginning

In this blog, Alice talks about how even though her undergraduate experience wasn't the best, she's determined to have a more positive time studying for her Master's degree. 

University wasn’t the place for me. I’m not saying it was bad. I’m just saying it wasn’t good. I didn’t care about the Mexican Revolution, religious symbolism in the work of J. L. Borges, or the exploration of the self and form in twentieth-century France. Likewise, I did not care about the difference between the pronunciation of “vu” and “vous”, “pero”, and “perro”.  I did not care about getting an F in a relatively unimportant presentation. I did not care that my tutor declared my essay on feminism to be “decidedly mediocre”.

Instead, I cared about evenings in pubs, walks in the park and sessions at the gym. I cared about staying up all night watching films and reading books not on the syllabus. I cared about cycling from a bar to my friend’s house at 1am on a Monday morning. I cared about going to gigs, visiting photography exhibitions, and rummaging through Spitalfields market on a Sunday.

When it came to studying, I tried, but only sort of. Half an hour before class was due to start I would open my workbook and frantically scribble something down. In the evenings, I would read novels of my own choosing before embarking on (and then later abandoning) the set texts. As for the presentations, I would usually just miss those classes and carry the fail. Invariably, I would turn up to every class utterly unprepared, having no idea about what was about to be discussed, and caring very little.

At the end of my three-year degree (which took me five years to complete), I received a transcript of my results, telling me that I had received one fail, two thirds, 2:2s, 2:1s, and firsts – all of which averaged out into the most meaningless 2:1 the uni must have ever given.

What the transcript didn’t say was that, during my studies, I had experienced debilitating depression, unrelenting OCD, one terrible coming out, one terrible relationship, one terrible break up, and the onset of Tourette’s syndrome.

OK, maybe university was bad.

This year, though, I have a place on UEA’s Creative Writing MA, and I’m determined to go back to my studies.

But if my undergraduate was so tumultuous, why am I doing this?

The answer is simple: university is, for me, unfinished business. I need to go back: get consistently OK grades, stay on an even keel for the duration of the course, keep my depression and OCD at bay. There’s not much I can do about the Tourette’s, given that it’s both chronic and incurable.

It’s going to be hard. I have the stereotypical swearing kind of Tourette’s. I will be yelling out “fuck” in lectures. I will find it hard to concentrate. I will inevitably be a distraction to myself and others.

But, unlike my BA in French and Spanish, this course has been a dream for a long time. I will spend a whole twelve months doing what I love: reading and writing. Reading helped me through depressive episodes before, and getting my writing published since leaving university has given me a much-needed self-esteem boost.

And if mental illness has taught me anything, it’s to do what you love, and do it a lot.

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m determined to go back, and I’m going to smash it.

Alice Franklin is a writer who happens to have Tourette's, OCD and autism. She writes at a leisurely pace, runs at a leisurely pace, and hammocks at a leisurely pace. Previously, her work has appeared in two Spanish short story anthologies, the online magazine Liars' League, and the Financial Times. 

A Journey to Diagnosis

Daisy speaks about her experiences of mental illness at university and eventual diagnosis of autism.

-Daisy Shearer

I’ve suffered from anxiety for as long as I remember but it all came to a fore when I turned 16. With GCSEs over and done with, I started the transition into 6th form and struggled socially. Constantly self-criticising and feeling as if I did not fit in meant that I spiralled into a depression. At this point my body decided to manifest my stress in the form of shingles, giving me a good excuse to not attend school… for 10 weeks. This didn’t help me face my social anxiety and exacerbated my depression. 

I scraped through A-levels and miraculously got offered a place on the physics BSc course at my first choice of University. I had applied for the MPhys course and was on the fence about whether I should take up my place as I had started to doubt whether I was cut out to be a scientist. I decided to go for it.

Moving away from home was hard. I had to learn to look after myself and no longer had the comfort of the routine I was accustomed to back home. My depression worsened and by the end of first year I was considering dropping out. Luckily one of my friends took me to the university counselling service. Although I didn’t realise it, I had become depressed and wasn’t looking after myself properly. I needed a helping hand from somebody who wasn’t in my head to acknowledge that I needed help. I was offered 6 sessions but didn’t go to all of them as, at the time, my anxiety often prevented me from leaving my room. At the end of second year I got the grades to transfer onto the MPhys which I had originally applied to; I began to think that I could be a scientist after all. 

The MPhys included a year-long placement in industry and I chose a placement close to my family home. With another big change my depression got a lot worse, but this time my family was immediately around me for support. My mum accompanied me to the GP where I was prescribed antidepressants and referred to a psychiatrist. At last I was diagnosed: I had generalised anxiety, recurrent depression and mild OCD symptoms. 7 months later, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

I applied for Disabled Students Allowance for my final semester and got examination adjustments plus a specialist mentor. My mood began to stabilise, and I developed techniques to manage what I now recognised as sensory overload. The adjustments made a huge difference to my results and in July 2018 I graduated from my MPhys with first-class honours! I was also offered a PhD project at Surrey. Now I’m a PhD student I have psychodynamic therapy fortnightly and prioritise my mental wellbeing. I’m more confident, self-assured and have fewer invasive thoughts as time goes on.

So, what should you do if you find things aren’t going to plan and you feel helpless?

• Take opportunities that come your way 

• Seek help if you can

• If you can’t bring yourself to access support services, ask a friend to accompany you, or seek out online counselling

• Never give up! Managing mental health conditions can be an uphill battle and takes time

• Build a support system- this can be family, friends, mental health professionals etc.

• Use online resources like Student Minds- read other people’s stories and explore what support is available.

For more information and advice on finding support, click here. 

Hi, I'm Daisy. I'm a first year PhD student in physics studying quantum technologies and spintronics. I graduated with an MPhys from the University of Surrey in 2018. I've suffered with anxiety and depression for many years and was recently diagnosed with autism. I wanted to share my experience on the Student Minds blog to help raise awareness about the support available to students.

I'm always happy to help discuss mental health as well as accessibility, equality & diversity so feel free to get in contact with me @DaisyShearer on Twitter or @notesfromthephysicslab on Instagram

My Experiences of University as an Autistic Student

Niraj writes about the challenges of being at university with autism, and gives advice on settling in, making friends, getting involved, and finding support. 

Niraj

As someone diagnosed with autism, I have faced many challenges at university. However, I have learnt from my experiences and made a lot of good memories. Here, I give my advice on managing four areas of University life as an autistic student.

1) Living Out and Settling In

A good proportion of autistic students aren’t fond of change. Therefore, the prospect of having to live out and be away from their parents can seem extremely nerve racking. Even if you are living at home and commuting, there is still a lot of things you have to adapt to. Luckily, my university allowed me to arrive 2 days early which allowed me to adapt and settle in before things got busy with Arrivals Weekend. However, it can take time to settle in to university life, and you will make mistakes initially– this is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of, and one thing I always advise to any upcoming fresher is to give this process time. You will learn from your experiences and mistakes as you begin to settle in, which will help your personal development. 

One thing I would also highly recommend is to visit the university beforehand, so that you can get a feel for the environment and the surroundings. I visited the university twice before I started, and it certainly made things easier when I moved in. 

2)     Making Friends

Before university, I had massive doubts over whether I would be able to make friends due to my autism. However, despite my worries I went to university with an open mind and ensured that I made an active attempt to meet people and initiate conversations. And that worked extremely well for me! On my very first day at university I met someone from my course who also moved in early, and we are still really close friends today. This put me immediately at ease, and after meeting lots of people I quickly came to realise that everyone you meet is very understanding of autism so I didn’t need to worry about whether I would make friends just because I had autism! The advice I would specifically give to autistic students is to just be yourself, and don’t try and change your personality just to “fit in”; if you be true to who you are and give yourself opportunities to meet people, you will make real friends that accept you for who you are!

3) Extracurricular Activities and Getting Out of My Comfort Zone

University can throw many challenges for students with autism, but at the same time it also offers a lot of highly rewarding opportunities to get out of your comfort zone and grow as a person. Whilst at university I have joined several societies, including the Hindu Society, Krishna Consciousness Society, Badminton Society, which have allowed me to try new things and gain new perspectives. I have also been fortunate enough to have taken 3 different society committee positions and volunteered in India, all of which have allowed me to develop many soft skills and expand my comfort zone. My advice to autistic students would be to keep an open mind and take every challenge that comes your way as an opportunity to engage, enjoy and thrive at university. Getting out of your comfort zone can be challenging but the rewards are certainly worth it.

4) Specific Support Available for Students with Disabilities

There is lots of support that is available at university for autistic students. Before fresher’s week, I visited the Disability Services support team at my university and they were extremely helpful in ensuring that arrangements were put in place to guide my transition into university, such as allowing me to arrive 2 days early. Throughout university, they have always been easily approachable whenever I have needed something.

It is completely up to you whether you want to disclose your autism to your university. But if you do, you can be assured that it is against the law to be discriminated against due to your autism. Furthermore, it is worth noting that the university wants you to do well, and they are willing to help in any way they can.

Remember that autistic people have unique qualities that enable them to thrive and succeed at university. Good Luck!

For more advice on looking after your mental wellbeing at university, click here. 

Hi, I'm Niraj! I am a third year student from the University of Warwick studying Maths, Operational Research, Statistics and Economics. Having suffered from anxiety issues whilst at university, I know about the various mental health issues that university students face, and how tough it can be. I therefore want to raise awareness on different aspects of mental health and wellbeing, and help as many people as I can by sharing my own experiences.

How to Succeed at University with Autism

Eloise writes about the challenges of being at university with autism, and gives her advice on managing change, disclosure and making friends.

- Eloise Stark 

Approximately 3% of students in higher education are autistic. I am one of them, and have successfully navigated my way to a PhD - although not without challenges. Here, I share my advice for how to succeed at university when you are autistic. 

Change

Change is really hard for autistic students. Going to a new and unfamiliar city can be terribly daunting. Before I came to Oxford to study, I visited many times so that I became familiar with the city and the layout of the colleges, libraries, and departments. If it’s too far for you to travel, you can use Google Maps to navigate the city and work out routes between key places (accommodation, your department, the sports centre etc.) 

Give yourself credit for the extra energy expended while getting used to change. Take more rest breaks, and try not to do too much in one go. I find that change makes me a lot more anxious, so I compensate for that by spending more time in places where I can relax. 

Disclosure

A big question mark hangs over the decision to disclose your autism to the university, tutors, and friends. Many people who have not disclosed their autism express fear about the possibility of stigma or discrimination. Whilst this is a really valid fear, it is important to remember that the Equality Act (2010) asserts that it is unlawful for an educational institution to discriminate against anyone with autism, and you can complain if you feel you have been discriminated against. 

Declaring your autism to the university can open avenues to support. For example, you may be eligible for a specialist mentor provided by Disability Students’ Allowance (DSA). I have a mentor, and it helps to be able to chat to someone regularly about my course and experience of studying. You can also get specialist equipment from the DSA, such as mind-mapping software or a laptop. 

Disclosing your autism to friends is a personal decision, and you should never feel obliged to do anything that you’re not fully comfortable with. I prefer to get to know someone really well before I choose to tell them. The advantage of telling friends is that they can look out for you if you are in a situation that you find difficult, such as a party or a group seminar. 

Safe space on campus 

If you find the hubbub of campus stressful, you can always approach your university to ask them to provide a “safe space” for when anxiety is high and you need a low-stimulation environment to relax in. You might prefer to go to the library, or you may choose to ask for somewhere specific to be designated. Your university is obliged to make “reasonable adjustments” for students with disabilities. 

Making friends

Making friends is nerve-wracking for every student, including autistic students. My advice would be to join societies and sports clubs, to meet like-minded people. I’m a member of the Oxford University Walking Club, the Origami Society, and I also enjoy rowing, which allows me to socialise but in a more structured way. Don’t worry if you don’t click with the people living nearby – you will have plenty more opportunities to make friends, including with the people on your course. 

It is also important to remember that lots of students don’t like drinking alcohol or going on alcohol-fuelled nights out. For autistic students, the noise and bright flashing lights of a club can send us into sensory overload. If the people you live with are into this kind of thing, don’t feel pressure to join in if you don’t want to. 

See the positives

Many autistic students excel at university. Our focus, ability to spend hours working on things we find interesting, and attention to detail make us great scholars. Allow yourself to thrive and flourish. Celebrate every tiny victory. Find your “tribe” – like-minded others who you get on with. And most importantly, if things aren’t going so well, please reach out for help because there is always a way around a problem. Good luck! 

Hi, my name is Eloise and I am a second year PhD student at Oxford University, studying at the intersection between Neuroscience and Psychiatry. I am passionate about mental health, reducing stigma and increasing empathy for people experiencing distress. 

Twitter: @eloiseastark / @HedoniaResearch 

Finding Myself

Ben shares his experiences before and after being diagnosed with Autism and how he coped with it. 

- Ben

To introduce myself; I am Ben Tipton. I live in Shrewsbury, England and I’m a primary education student who’s aspiring to be a teacher, and I have Autism. My journey before and after being diagnosed with Autism was far from easy, or what I would have wanted. So, this post will explain my journey up until my diagnosis and what has changed since then.

From the age of about 5 or 6, my parents knew I was different in how I thought and behaved. I was naughtier than what was expected and a lot more hyper your standard 6-year-old child. Throughout my primary school I was bullied for acting differently and I was incredibly sensitive to little comments other kids made.

Numerous doctors appointments followed this, and I remember not really knowing what was going on. 

When I turned 11 suddenly my sleeping changed. I had constant nightmares and I developed insomnia. I was also bullied in secondary school and this got severely worse too. However, despite the counselling, both in and out of school, a diagnosis never ever came. 

At the age of 16, I had a huge panic attack before an AS level exam and ended up having a week off from college. This resulted in a psychiatric assessment and it was then that I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety. There was more counselling yet again, but I never ever improved, and this made life at home severely difficult as my family didn’t think I was trying to get better! However, I can assure you all, I really was! 

Finally, after further years of counselling with no improvement in my mental health plus a suicide attempt, I reached out for support. I spoke to my best friend, my grandad, who is my hero, and my sister and they recommended that I got tested for Autism! I was 19 years old at the time and my sister accompanied me to the doctors on July 17th 2014 (I will always remember that day). At that visit I was told that it could take up to a year to be diagnosed! A YEAR TO BE DIAGNOSED WAS, AND STILL IS A DISGRACE!! So as a result, my parents went private and I was finally diagnosed on the 16th of August! 

That was the day that my life changed for the good! I became me, the man who had aspirations and no longer had to worry about things when he wasn’t making improvements in the way he acted!

I became happier over night, I became more confident after a few months and began to accept who I was, and ultimately why being Autistic makes me different in so many positive ways! I can confidently say that I am proud to be Autistic! 

In addition to this, I am proud to be studying to be a teacher while also working as a teaching assistant at a primary school. I truly do love my job which is the dream job for this stage of my career. 

I can only thank everyone for the support in my journey up until this point and I genuinely look forward to blogging for this brilliant charity, Student Minds! I also have my own blog which is called The Autistic Referee so if you get a chance, check it out too! 

Until next time,

Ben.

I am an aspiring Primary School Teacher based in Shropshire, England. I was diagnosed with Autism in 2014 at 19 years of age and since then my journey to being a teacher started. I am a huge sports fan and a firm believer in exercise helping mental health and improving self esteem. I am passionate about everyone recognising their own individual talents.