Nothing Compares to You - The Harmful Habit of Self-Comparison

It is important that we have a sense of self-worth that exists beyond our relation to others.

- Harry 

In everyday life, we constantly make comparisons. Putting one thing against another enables us to notice differences, make choices, and make sense of the world. However, when it comes to comparing ourselves to others, this can be very problematic. Although a competitive instinct and a desire to be the best can be a good motivator, basing our self-worth on how we relate to those around us is a precarious source of self-esteem that can have significant effects on our mood, our concentration, and our wellbeing. This is especially the case at university, where academic assessments, sports, job applications and other occasions for comparison are common. It is therefore crucial that we become aware of the intimate connection between self-comparison and mental health.

One of the most common factors that we compare at university is our intelligence. Surrounded by other talented people, it is easy to obsess over where we rank and make judgements on our own intelligence accordingly. Personally, my academic ability was always the source of my self-esteem. I came to university having done well at school and assumed I would be just as successful in higher education. However, I soon discovered that I was just one among many intelligent students. Although my grades weren’t bad, I was concerned with the fact that others were doing a lot better than me both academically and in terms of managing their workload. In comparison, I felt like I was failing. By relying on how I compared to others to discern my self-worth, I found myself feeling worthless and eventually this led to difficulties with anxiety and depression. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with how others were doing and realised that I was doing perfectly fine, my mental wellbeing would have been much better.

Social media also has a large part to play in our tendency to compare ourselves. We are now so much more aware of where people are and what they are doing, which means that it’s easier than ever to compare our lives to theirs. If you’re feeling down or having trouble in your life, then scrolling through your news feed to see these artsy photos of friends smiling and having fun is likely to make you feel worse. What’s more, we often forget that these photos have been edited and framed, with the specific intention of depicting people in the most positive and flattering way, making our comparison to them all the more damaging to our self-esteem.

So what can we do to prevent self-comparison and take care of our mental health? I am not trying to say that we shouldn’t notice what others around us are doing or that we shouldn’t use social media; having an online presence is almost inevitable nowadays and seeing the achievements of others can be inspiring. But it is important that we have a sense of self-worth that exists beyond our relation to others. Setting personal goals, recording progress when learning a skill, and knowing what you want to achieve with your time is key and provides a much healthier source of self-esteem. As for social media, while reducing the time you spend online will lessen its impact on your wellbeing, maintaining a sense of what is real and what is manufactured is more crucial if you want to use social media in a healthy way.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good moments and bad moments. It’s about time we put less energy into thinking about the lives of others and more effort into nurturing and recognising the talents and value that we have to offer.

Hi I'm Harry! I'm a fourth year English and French student at Durham. University has been a brilliant experience from the very beginning, but it as brought about some very difficult times for me too, forcing me to confront issues with anxiety and depression. Getting through these times would not have been possible without the family, friends and other support offered to me, so I want to help develop the community of people talking about mental health and finding ways to support one another.

You can find more support on starting university here and how to maintain your mental wellbeing during exam season here. 

Not everyone is excited for Christmas, and that's okay

Becky writes about the struggles the festive period can bring and how we can help ourselves during this time

- Becky

It’s that time of year again when everyone seems joyful. It’s a time to celebrate the end of another year surrounded by family and friends, with a glass in hand and laughter filling the air. 

Except, for some of us, it’s not. I normally love Christmas – I’ll be dying to put up the Christmas decorations, too excited to sleep the night before and love any excuse to catch up with family and friends. This year, though, my mental health has taken a battering, and I’m currently recovering from a severe episode of anxiety and depression. I don’t know how I’m going to be when I wake up each morning, so perhaps unsurprisingly; I’m currently not looking forward to Christmas.

The pressure to be joyful, lack of routine, social expectations: the list goes on of all the factors weighing on my mind. And while support systems like counsellors, personal tutors, and other key workers may take time off over Christmas, mental health difficulties don’t. Even during a ‘holiday,’ we cannot let go of things that look after our mental health. Here are some tips you might find useful:

• Don’t pretend to be joyful if you’re not. It can be challenging to be honest at the best of times, let alone when there is such a pressure to be joyful. But, please be honest with yourselves and those around you. If you can’t talk to those around you, or your usual support is on a break, remember you can talk to Samaritans 24/7, 365 days a year (116 123). 

• Know your limits and take time out. Take a break from everyone to just breathe. Do something that helps you relax – take a bath, listen to music, go for a walk, or enjoy your favourite film. It can be incredibly difficult to say ‘no’ to things to look after yourself, but remember, you can’t pour from an empty glass.

• Get into a routine. If you’re anything like me, a routine is vital to support my mental health. When the structure of University life goes out the window, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy mind. It might help to write a plan for the Christmas period, including everything from family gatherings to medical appointments. Around that, you could plan in some time to study, time for you to relax, or time to shop for Christmas presents. Knowing what we are doing each day can be hugely comforting. 

• Switch off social media. Social comparisons can be detrimental to our mental health. If we are struggling, it can be really easy to forget that there’s always a story behind a photo or status that we can’t see. Everyone looks so happy and like everything is going just right for them. Don’t compare – you don’t know what they’re going through. 

• Get enough sleep. Without the structure of normal life, it can be really easy to fall out of a sleep routine. Added to which, social gatherings often go on late into the evening, so we are bound to sleep at different times to normal. But, sleep hygiene is important, so make sure you allow yourself to lie in, get an early night, or nap during the day.

• Everything in moderation. Know your limits and don’t go beyond them, with regards to food and drink. It may leave us feeling guilty and low, or in the case of alcohol in particular, in may increase the severity of some mental health conditions. Have fun, but be aware of the after effects.

• Keep a check on medication. If you’re on medication, plan ahead. There are different opening times over the holiday period so make sure you have everything you need in advance. 

Remember, it’s okay not to be looking forward to this holiday period. You are not alone. Christmas is only one day, and it will come round again. You can get through this. Do what you need to do to look after yourself.

Hey, I'm Becky. I'm in my first year of a Masters in Health and Wellbeing at the University of Bath. I have lived with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and PTSD, for a number of years. I want to share my story, and all the tips I have picked up along the way, to help as many people as possible to realise that there is light out there, no matter how dark it can seem.

Social Anxiety and How to Make Friends at University

Astrid talks about her journey to finding great friends at university.

- Astrid

Often students move halfway across the country to attend university, without knowing anyone else and having to fend for themselves for the first time. My biggest fear about joining uni was not making friends and I shared this fear with most other students. 

Being a fresher should be exciting and I didn’t want my worries to prevent me having any fun. Here are some ways I made making friends easier: I decided to volunteer abroad before I began university. I thought it would boost my confidence and make me more comfortable living and spending a lot of time with a new group of people. I was right! 

It introduced me to stepping outside my comfort zone for a shorter period of time. It also prepared me to meet a large group of new people and engage with them. Most of the people I met were also volunteering by themselves. Nobody knew anybody beforehand, and everyone was in the same boat!

The stories my fellow volunteers told me were surprising. Many others were volunteering for similar reasons to myself, to boost their confidence or even help manage their mental health. The coordinators even said that about a quarter of volunteers are on a form of medication or treatment for mental health conditions. Volunteering abroad is primarily done collectively, volunteers sharing their interest in helping others and the work they are doing, forming natural friendships with plenty to chat about in the evenings.

Since my first time volunteering, I have joined many different projects with different organisations, both affordable and expensive. The range of people from different backgrounds was far wider on more affordable programmes. 

I can’t be 100% sure if my teaching and building work was helping my anxiety as there were so many other things happening as well: meeting new people, living and working together, going out in the evenings and weekend tours. But I would definitely recommend volunteering as it totally worked for me and covers so many bases. I’m not sure if volunteering on my own on a computer in my room would’ve had the same effect!

Once I’d started university, I felt more confident talking to new people and wasn’t scared to live with a group of strangers. I am confident this wouldn’t have been possible without spending time volunteering abroad. However, I still didn’t feel comfortable knocking on people’s doors and introducing myself. I came up with another way to make friends. 

I thought if I joined clubs then I could meet people and we would share an interest, as it had worked with volunteering. I made a mistake in joining the football team to begin with. I knew the basic rule, kick the ball into the goal, and thought that it would be great exercise. But I hadn’t considered that the majority of people who had joined the football team had played football at school, some even knew each other from their schools playing each other in the past. My lack of skill made me stand out for all of the wrong reasons. 

After failing miserably at playing football, I chose to join the water polo team. No one on the team had ever played before and we were all novices. We instantly had something in common, our lack of water polo skills.

I also joined the ice-skating team. The first couple of lessons were spent with everyone continuously falling over. After the first time it became a joke and we bonded over sore bottoms and bruised legs. Volunteering abroad and joining clubs at university helped making friends effortless. I would recommend anyone who is nervous about making friends at university to volunteer abroad beforehand, even if it is only a couple of weeks before freshers.

When at uni, join as many groups as possible, the weirder and less common the club the more likely there will be fellow newbies who you can bond with over inexperience. 

Some Useful Links:Transition to UniKnow before you Go

Astrid Halliday loves travelling and especially getting away overseas to help build and develop a community. Volunteering many times with Original Volunteers and also with Habitat For Humanity, she loves sharing her passion and encouraging other to travel in a similar way.

Tackling Exam Anxiety

Adam discusses techniques for limiting the effect of exam anxiety on your grades.

- Adam

Just over a year ago, I was in the midst of counselling and had received poor AS level results, which made me doubt whether I wanted to stay in sixth form. It is fair to say I was in a bit of a pickle. My motivation was at an all-time low after thinking I had done well in those summer exams.

It is extremely common for AS level results to not be quite as positive as you expect, particularly after making a big step up from GCSEs. I could have given up, or thrown the towel in. However, I had a clear aim after researching university courses: I found the exact course that suited me. I had one immediate problem though, which was how was I going to cope with my anxiety during my A-level exams.

However cliché it may sound, it is much better to start revising sooner rather than later. You may think that it stresses you out even more, but in the back of my mind, I was patting myself on the back thinking I had started revision before a lot of my friends at sixth form. That meant I could revise a little less intensely during all these examinations. 

Starting revision before some of my friends also gave me a competitive mindset that I did not have during my AS level. For me, that competitiveness in my mind took some of my anxiety away because revising quite a lot took away the focus on the anxiety itself. This made me feel a lot better. Combining this whilst going for runs during breaks really helped me. This is coming from me, the guy who thought that nothing could help my anxiety after receiving poor AS levels.

Despite the competitiveness, I felt I never went through my A-level exams alone, I refused to allow myself to do that again. Knowing that everyone is ‘in the same boat’ in your classes in terms of having to do these exams, makes you feel a lot better. Revising together in class can make a huge difference academically as well as mentally.

This may sound mad, but I treated my water bottle that I took into my exams like a friend or constant companion throughout the exams: my water bottle and I went through my exams together! Other than using the water bottle for that purpose, it was very good at keeping me hydrated, keeping my brain active and it kept me feeling well. It also prevented my stomach from rumbling, another anxiety that affects a lot of people during exams in silent exam halls.

If you also experience exam anxiety, and you do have coursework for a subject, it helps to put in a lot of effort to do your coursework to a high standard - it helps massively when doing your final exams.

With all these small changes, I made marginal gains that helped boost my exam grades massively. This meant I had met my conditions and therefore I got accepted into my university course. Anxiety can be really tough, but mitigating the effects of it that are in your control can make a significant difference.

Hello! My name is Adam. I study Journalism and Media Production (BA Hons) at the University for the Creative Arts in Farnham. Being a keen blogger and having several experiences during my academic studies, I hope that I can help people along the way whilst enjoying writing for you.

Mindfulness: for when you're overwhelmed

Katie discusses her tips for getting involved in mindfulness for when life gets overwhelming.

- Katie

Student life is like a roller coaster. There you are, maintaining a slow and steady pace mounting up the slope of increasing workload then BOOM! All of a sudden you’re swamped with assignment deadlines and you’re flying through the weeks faster than the speed of light. But have you ever taken a few moments to just focus your attention on say the gradual movement of clouds passing over or the birds flying by? My guess is probably not. 

Nowadays there’s so much apprehension about upcoming events whether they be exam results, job applications or just mundane activities like the dishes that need doing, or (for me anyway) needing to start packing for university. All that thought and preparation means that no one ever really takes the time to fully benefit from a few hours of complete relaxation. Even when you try to just relax your mind, it always manages to wander somewhere or other. And this was definitely the case for me. 

Amidst the stress of A Level exams, I’d always be thinking about a future exam I needed to revise for or question so and so in a previous exam that I answered horribly. It seemed like no matter what I did I’d never feel fulfilled and somehow I’d feel guilty about giving myself a few hours to unwind. 

However, it was just my look that I ended up stumbling upon a lovely little form of therapy called Mindfulness - a mix of meditation and hypnotherapy classes aiming to help you control your emotions and appreciate living in the here and now. By taking these classes, it’s really drilled into me that it’s not at all selfish to take some time to yourself in the peace and quiet. 

Some of the advice that was given was to find your spot. Find somewhere that’s calming to you. So for example, I would choose either the conservatory or the garden, as I like being surrounded by daylight as much as possible to bring a bit of light in my day. Then choose a time of day. It can be early morning or even in the evening sometimes! Whatever makes you feel most comfortable or whenever you can remember! Make yourself comfy with a few cushions. Get a cup of tea or coffee and then take a few minutes to do the rule of five senses. Firstly, think of five things you can see in front of you. Then close your eyes and start to envision what you saw only this time try point out how many things you can hear and touch. Suddenly all the worry and stress will now seem irrelevant as you will be focused on your surroundings, thus appreciating the here and now as opposed to the stresses the future may bring. 

Another piece of useful advice is to keep a journal beside you to write down your concerns or just general thoughts rather than trying to bottle it all up. I have my own little positivity book, but any will do. Try and write down three things you’re grateful for every day. Starting the morning off with a bit of positivity will instantly give you that boost and motivation needed to kick-start the day.

Those are just some examples as to how Mindfulness can work for you and what’s great about it is that it’s something that can be done at home, no audience, no equipment, just you alone with your breathing… and sometimes that can be all you need. I’m so much better off now because of it so I can't recommend it enough!

Hi guys, it's Katie, a little awkward 18 year old Ginger from the UK who's decided to share her mental health journey as well as providing self care advice. My aim is to make people happy and to help you out of a bad place even on the cloudiest of days. 

I’m currently a Modern Languages student at Durham University. Throughout the past few years, I have had to overcome so many hardships in my life. After acknowledging that I was suffering with depression and anxiety, I lost the support of so many people of whom were once considered my closest friends because of the stigma surrounding mental health. That emotional backlash was painful to endure at the time but at the same time it gave me the passion and the drive to fight against the mental stigmas and offer my support to everyone who feels like they can’t reach out. 

Learning to cope when a mental health difficulty reappears

In this blog, Freya talks about how she managed when symptoms of anxiety reappeared after a long time of feeling well.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with anxiety for me was the fact that it came back. I think what so many people think – including myself – is that once you initially overcome these issues, they’re gone forever. But mental health doesn’t work like that.

When you overcome cancer you are in ‘remission’, you are not cured, you don’t have a lifetime guarantee of health. But, at least temporarily, you are not suffering the immediate effects of this disease. For mental health, I think it’s the same. Knowing that could help prepare you for the possibility that you will suffer from conditions and symptoms again.

When I started getting panic attacks again after months of feeling fine, I rang my mum, distraught that it could be happening again. Hadn’t I already been through this?

Although this time I had coping mechanisms which made my anxiety easier to deal with, it’s hard to feel in control when all that was going through my head was ‘not again, please not again’. Then you panic about the fact that you’re panicking. It’s a vicious circle of panic upon panic when, in actual fact, I knew I had the tools to deal with it. My counselling had been useful and effective, but I just felt this overwhelming shock that such panic could penetrate my life again after so much time feeling good.

It took me some time to accept the fact that my anxiety had taken a hold of my life again, but when I did, it was so much easier to deal with. I guess what’s important to remember is that there is no everlasting cure for mental health. That’s not to say that you’ll spend the rest of your life dealing with mental health difficulties. I just think it’s important to always be aware that there’s a possibility that it could come back. And if/when it does: remember to look outwards not inwards. Positivity over negativity. There’s nothing wrong with suffering; you are a stronger person for it.

Remember that the people around you are more understanding than you think, something I forget every time I feel awful. My housemates know I struggle with anxiety and they also know how to deal with it. Often people don’t naturally know how to help, so talk to the people you trust and tell them what you find useful. For example, I don’t need someone to ask me if I’m okay, I need them to list random things with me such as dog breeds. Let people in. Let them help you. 

Positive is definitely the last thing you are feeling when mental health issues recur. However, it’s probably the most useful emotion to have. I don’t really need to even feel that positive, I just need to tell myself I am. I’ll smile to myself or listen to a song I relate to a good memory and bring myself back to that positive mind frame that I know is never far away.

The challenge isn’t getting your life ‘back on track’ because it’s not off the track, it’s just taken a slight detour. So, take a minute or a day or however long you need and try to remember how far you have come since you first started feeling low. If you used to go for a run once a week or save time to watch TV with your house mates, then do that again. Take as much time as you need to get back into the routine you built for yourself.

Mental health, just like anything medical, takes time. It doesn’t help to beat yourself up about it and it doesn’t help to forget everything you’ve worked towards. Don’t pressure yourself to be okay all the time, and don’t lose hope. Onwards and upwards.

I am a journalism student at the University of Leeds, in my second year. Writing about mental health and reducing any remaining stigma is important for me because I have seen my friends struggle with mental health as well as struggling with it myself. Writing has always been a useful outlet for me and I want to help as many people as I can going through university. 

My Experiences with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

In this blog, Emily writes on her experience of trauma and PTSD

-Emily

CN: discusses difficult topics. 

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be caused by a wide range of traumatic experiences, either through being involved in or by witnessing traumatic events. 

You can find out more about the causes, symptoms and treatment for PTSD either on the Mind website, or the NHS website. This blog is going to explain my personal experience with PTSD and how I have dealt with it. 

My PTSD has been caused by an incident I was involved in six months ago which has left me shaken and shocked and scared, but it also happened at the worst possible time. I was about a week away from taking my final exam at university and it was the day before the Swansea Student Media awards evening, which I had been looking forward to for months as it was my final opportunity to attend the annual event. Despite the incident happening six months ago, I have only recently been in discussion with my doctor about PTSD because I didn’t realise that the incident was still affecting me so much, because I’ve been so distracted with everything else. 

Looking back, I don’t think I managed my emotions effectively, shortly after the incident. Even though I am pleased with myself for not completely shutting down, I wish I’d taken more time to let myself feel a bit more. Saying that, in the days after the incident took place, I didn’t get through one day without crying at least once and I learnt that that is normal and completely okay. However, I was also so focused on my exam and what to do after university that I totally pushed the incident out of my mind. 

Recently, I was triggered by something so badly that it was as though that incident happened yesterday, and I was more shaken up by reliving the whole thing all over again. 

Being diagnosed with PTSD has meant that I’ve had to learn to acknowledge what my triggers are and then how to calm myself down if I experience a trigger. This is by no means easy, but it’s a learning process. Not having the focus of university or the support that I had at university has been something that I’ve found difficult with this whole experience. However, one thing that I have found that helps me is to explore the topic of PTSD through creative writing. Furthermore, confiding in people about my struggles and about the incident also helps. 

What I recall from the blurry days after the incident, one of the things that really got me through those difficult, emotional days was the support of people around me at university. I almost considered not attending that awards ceremony but I had people there who made me feel comfortable and safe which I will always appreciate. I also had support and belief from those around me that I could push through and do my final exam and while I didn’t do as well as I wanted to do, I passed and at my graduation in July, I was able to say that I didn’t let that incident get in the way of my goal of graduating. 

This experience has changed my perspective on life significantly. Not only has it taught me that I can get through almost anything, it also taught me who my real friends are. I also learnt that after a traumatic experience, one’s emotions are likely to be all over the place for quite a while afterwards. Like with any mental health difficulty, PTSD takes time to get through and you may find yourself experiencing triggers and flashbacks years down the line. It’s important to recognise these triggers and to know how to deal with them. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA degree in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting; I was also passionate about and dedicated to Swansea Student Media and the University students’ newspaper – Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues as a student and now as a graduate, as well as other health issues, and I support friends who also have mental health difficulties. I am a passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experiences – both in helping me to explore and to cope with my mental health, as well as sharing my story in order to help others.